welcome to my life~

2009-12-09T08:51:00.001-08:00

i no balls? ur boobs are prob so small ur bf had to use a map to find it >:(

2009-11-03T00:37:00.000-08:00

i am feeling dead tired now!!!!!!! XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

just here to let off some steam...

ppl dun like truth, they like lies....

I will make known some truths tt i know and some lies that i hear.

people always say that it is the heart that matters... bullshit! that is one big fat lie! like it or not, people do look at appearance. even if ur heart shine like the sun, you will still get discriminated if you look like a beast! I have been through loads of experiences where i am being shunned due to my looks. sure, u must thinking that, "u dun look that bad wat". LIAR! i look super ugly lor, like some nerdy geeky bookworm. dun bother comforting me by telling me i look ok la, cause that is so hypocritical. Seriously, why bother lieing to me? =.=

if u think that isn't true, i shall bring forth one of my past experience.

Once my friend was holding a b'day party and was discussing with some friends who to invite. She was like talking to my clique of friends then she decided that she would invite my entire clique except me XD reason being? cos i'm a no life.

more examples, everytime i go like chat with some girl, they give me those =.= look, even when i try telling them a joke, they will just reply with a "oh, ok". No big deal right? story's not over yet. Suppose a more better looking person comes by and talk to them, they will not give the =.= look, plus they will even give a reply. the better looking guy can tell them a joke, and they will laugh. Irony is it?

The truth is that as ppl, we will all judge another fro hi or her looks, i am saddened by the stupidity of man.... but can i blame God? i suppose not... i have chatted with some of my cyber friends and most of them tell me that I will be able to find my perfect girl that loves my heart. =.= lies yet again

perhaps i am made to be this way, to live a life of a loner so that i can learn. cause i rly learn alot by being alone, things that cannot be seen by the people involved, things tt cannot be seen by those that follow the crowd, things that can only be seen when u stand on the sidelines patiently and observe....

2009-08-21T00:49:00.000-07:00

i really really hate this scenario that i am in, it is terrible, surrounded by hypocrites, flooded by the million and one bullshit of the world. People are too barbaric, no one is doing anything, when someone tries to make a difference, they get murdered either physically or emotionally. being able to see how people are all just minions of society. i assure u that it is hard to live when u are the only one that see and the rest of the world is blind.
imagine a scenario where the entire world is blind and u are the only one that is gifted with sight. How tough is it to tell the world about the things around them? How do u describe to them the colours of the world? how do u describe to them the vision, the scene that u see? It is near impossible unless people starts to open their eyes.... One man alone is tough.. I feel that there is noone to join me on my fight, this destiny that i must follow through, the destiny to be of someone of difference, someone cut off from the world....
I know not what to do now, but... i just want to vent out my frustrations... living in a world of idiots....
i hate my family...

2009-06-02T21:27:00.000-07:00

I am super pissed off with my class, they are like mindless freaks la, cannot decide for themselves de. Today Mr eric go through the splash poster, then everyone keep asking vincent for ideas la, seriously la, do they even feel a sense of accomplishment even if they do complete the poster? It's like you are using vincent's idea and claiming it as your own, it's dumb, it's retarded.

2009-05-27T05:00:00.001-07:00

is everybody going crazy? or is it just me?

2009-05-08T07:06:00.001-07:00

I'm so tired / weary now!!! XD i am constantly sleeping in the wee hours of the morning and receiving minimal sleep each day just so that i can have some form of "enjoyment" and "me" time. so many things to do and time constantly seems to be running out. Everyone is like asking me for stuffs and everything. BB, school etc.

does hardwork always pay off? i have no idea, from what i see, it doesn't. its like u either become some mindless freak of nature that immense yourself in doing what u do and nothing else. I can't tolerate doing me poly project 24/7, I can't tolerate keeping my mouth shut for 24/7.

I'm missing you badly now, why are u giving me a cold shoulder? if there's anything about me that turns u off, you could have told me, why the cold treatment? its hard for me not to think of you, each time i hesitate contacting you, cause i have no idea if i am looking forward to your reply/ reaction. its either u give me some super short reply or u dun reply at all. did my sms irritate u? i have no idea, i really don't. I dun contact you often, but yet u give me the feeling that you find me an eyesore and hope that i would nvr contact u. dunno what i should do now. persist or what? my efforts to be in vain. you have no idea what i did for u, but then again, i doubt it would make any difference. You'll prob just ignore me again, i dunno if i should respect ur decision by gradually disappearing from your life.....

i feel like some idiot, doing something for no reason

2009-05-07T07:11:00.001-07:00

did i do anything wrong to make u ignore me? i dun get it, why can't we even be friends?

I'm tired, tired of constantly being a fool in most of the things that i do. i wonder if i should persist

tired... i really am

2009-05-03T01:50:00.001-07:00

i'm emo.... XD

2009-04-14T04:20:00.003-07:00

why are u so cold towards me?

2009-04-14T04:20:00.001-07:00

why are u so cold towards me?

2009-04-12T01:43:00.001-07:00

i wonder why i'm feeling so outcasted now, i really don't. its just a feeling i have, whether or not i am really outcasted i dun know. but i just felt that... i dunno, weird feeling i'm feeling right now. its not that i dun have friends, its not that they didn't care. somehow i just feel this way.

I rmbr a time where i was taught to treat ppl the way i would want them to treat me. somehow i'm having a weird feeling now, cause things doesn't seem to happen that way. prob cause i'm more of the introvert type? i'm clueless XD maybe the ppl around me have changed, or perhaps my mentality have changed, i dunno, i sense a difference, but somehow i can't seem to catch up/blend in with it. it just feels weird(very feelings based right?)

why must u destroy the hope that i have? i have no idea if what i'm doing is right or wrong. If its right, then why does it hurt so much? then again, if its wrong, why do i keep wanting to do it?prob its like what was stated in shun ji's msn pm. its states a scenario of paul(bible character), paul said that he knew what is right & what is wrong, but yet he is unable to do what is right and instead he con't to do what is wrong. i wonder if its the same for me. the answer is in my heart, but perhaps i have not found it yet or i have refused the answer.

2009-04-05T22:31:00.000-07:00

sadded XD

2009-04-05T06:19:00.003-07:00

2009-04-05T06:19:00.001-07:00

Lord!!! i need You!!!!! :D

2009-04-04T23:45:00.000-07:00

jack of all trades, master of none!
this kind of describes what i'm feeling now XD i have no idea what i am good at la, it seems like i'm constantly slipping up at the wrong time! i have no idea why also, just hope that someday i will discover my talent, not the spiritual one, but my physical one, an outward talent, not the inward talent.

2009-03-20T04:28:00.000-07:00

what do u mean? i dun understand, hope ur intentions is not what i thought it to be.....

rejected....

2009-03-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

i'm feeling kind of pissed now.. i really wonder, besides those flirts, who else treats love so casually? i mean even those flirts who like play around with ppl of the opposite gender have only one person who they truly love. but yet those that are not flirts are also like starting to treat love as a game! its just so infuriating how someone can say that they love another person simply because other ppl say so. come one la, love is not a game, its not like some shirt u wear where u can just change out of it as and when u like, its not something that u have simply because u feel like having it. its not...
u say u like her simply because ppl are spreading rumours that sounds super real & that u are just going with the flow? how i wish u realise the consequences of ur actions. love is not something that hangs from ur lips, love is not just doing nice things for the one close to ur heart. i seriously have no idea what u are thinking, cause i am listening to 2 different stories now & i can't shut my ear or block off one side, its not fair, but hearing u say that u are just "going with the flow" i just dun think its right. ever thought of how others might feel? what if she really likes u? what if there's some other girl out there that likes u? if that's the case then u really would have broken lots of hearts unknowingly. really hope that u can make ur stand, as in just being true to ur feelings & not just "going with the flow". also, it is not a must to play along, its a choice, in everything that u do, there will be a choice, sometimes the consequence of certain choices may be heavier, but still, u have a choice.
currently i dunno which story to listen to.... its like i understand both point of views, it clicks, but yet, certain things still dun quite makes sense to me. i wanna know the truth, the reasons for ur actions, the reasons for the words that u say...

2009-03-06T07:48:00.001-08:00

should i trouble myself with the problems of others? i have no idea, i doubt ppl will see this, but anw, if anyone really DO see this, do tell me ur opinion ok? cause i have friend who have problems but yet unwilling to share(as always? this is one thing that i'm still unable to get used to =.=).

this is my opinion on the above issue, i shall state first that it is knd of a neutral stand.
firstly, i feel that i should not trouble myself with their trouble cause it is they themselves who dun wanna share in the first place, then if i keep trying to find out or probe into it, it'll be like invading into their privacy? yea, so i'll feel bad
secondly, i also have the desire to go find out what exactly is happening. i know i'm contradicting myself now, but still, my heart aches to see my friends feel sad. i am really clueless XD its hard to totally not be bothered by the feelings of my friends, really hard, but yet i'm so helpless? hahas ^^

ok, i shall not start a new post, but instead i shall just "squeeze" everything into this one post! hahas, just had a talk with jerome earlier. was very thankful for the talk ba ^^ anw, i need encouragement de, hahas, so must encourage me ok? lolz!
anw, was kind of talking about my dream or to put it in another manner it'll be what i wanna be in the future. i really did thought about it, so anw, i guess my dream is to find some girl to share my life with, really =.= but then again, i also realised that we can have our dreams and wishes but yet we need not fulfil them right away, anyone disagree? let say for example that i wanna build a building, i can't just gather loads of cement & start hammering away right? plans are to be made ma, its like before building a building, u need to check the ground to see if it is stable, u need to ensure that the blueprint of the building is out also ma, can't just build based on memory right? hahas(that would seriously be funny!) also need to find manpower and all that, build building also need find suitable dimensions & all, so it is really not easy leh.
i think that the same applies for our dreams & wishes, really, its like we have our own dreams & wishes, most of the time we will wanna just dive into fulfilling it right? its like we're so into fulfilling it such that we will fail to fulfil it at the end of the day. when young that time teachers keep asking us to write essay on what we wanna be when we grow up, then everyone will just write some rubbish just to humour the teacher. sometimes we still hold on to that mindset, to just go & fulfil our wish & we fail to consider the factors that will aid in the success of the dream being fulfilled.

anw, its just my opinion ba, if u feel differently, pls dun hesitate to voice out ^^ i dun mind u having a different opinion, but i do mind if u say that my opinion is wrong! hahas, anw, i guess that's all for today ba ^^ goodnight ppl! take care :D

2009-03-06T07:46:00.000-08:00

thanks jerome, really needed the talk :D

2009-03-04T16:54:00.000-08:00

ytd i went on some emotional roller coaster. morning & early afternoon i was happy, late afternoon i was angry & night i was sad, heartbroken i would say

2009-02-21T19:48:00.000-08:00

sry, i can't help but be worried abt u, too many ppl have told me that they are ok, too many ppl have told me that they can handle their own problems, if that's the case, why do u still harness negativity? i'm in a fix right now XD

pray for me, i feel kind of lost without God

2009-02-21T08:42:00.001-08:00

Starfield-Hands That Hold The World

No greater joy
Is there than this
To know for what
We're meant to live
To hold Your hand
To touch Your face
To find ourselves
In loves embrace
I want to stand before the King
Join in the song that heaven sings
I want to hold the hand that holds the world
I want to know the mystery
Reach out and touch the majesty
I want to hold the hand that holds the world
No greater love Could be bestowed
That You would name us as your own
Your daughters sing
Your sons rejoice
They gather here before Your throne
You are, You are
The author of creation
We are, the children of your heart
You are, You are, The light of all the heaven
We rise, to worship all You are

2009-02-21T07:20:00.000-08:00

i just watched the everything skit on godtube.com(now change to tangle lerh). the video is so nice! i dunno why, but this time tears did not really feel my eyes, it brought back memories, memories of those that struggled & backsliden, memories of the mission trips i went, etc. i dunno why, but it just feels so different as compared to the first time when i watched the video.

if u guys are free, please do go to godtube.com and search up "everything-lifehouse church". do watch it if u want, i'm not forcing u. i think i'm gonna spend my free time looking up christian websites, not that i'm trying to be holy & all but i wanna grow, especially since i'm kind of going through a test now, so all the more i should be stronger. all of a sudden i have this over whelming urge to watch "facing the giants". if any of u have the dvd/vcd, please lend it to me!!! thank you in advance! :D

2009-02-20T07:02:00.000-08:00

Lord! i want people to be true! true to me! i dun want ppl to be wearing a mask!

dunno why, i seem to think more at night, i seem to go deeper in thought, lolz...

i'm still very bored at home each day, hahas, i'm still sleeping late. recently there's noone to sms when i'm bored also XD

i really need to not sleep at 2am! XD not that i'm tired, but i am raelly just slacking away & doing nothing with the time i'm given.

haix... so many thoughts in my mind now... i see ppl drowned in their sorrows, yet are unwilling to share. XD ok, maybe i was wrong to have expected ppl to share their problems. cause the focus should not be on man, but on God. i should have instead asked for their prayer request. right? as much as i know, most of the ppl around me are not genuine, most of them are fakes, nothing more than just a performer that's hiding behind their mask.

2009-02-18T17:39:00.000-08:00

i just realised i have unknowingly neglected some of my brothers & sisters in christ. no doubt i have fellowshipped with some, but at the same time, i have also neglected some. as God entrust me with my new "job scope" i shall trust God that He will bless me. i know that i am unable to reach out to everyone, so i thank God that He used another brother of mine to look out for those that i've neglected. even as i've said that i wanted to see hearts & speak lives, He has already assigned me ppl to reachout to & people that i can "practise" on. thank God. He knows what i've been through, He knows that i've experienced ppl telling me they wanna die, He knows that i've exprienced ppl telling me that they wanna backslide, He knows that i've seen ppl backsliding. He knows my pain each time i speak to such ppl, but yet at the same time, He constantly empowers me, making me stronger each time round. as of now i can't say that i'm leading a 100% holy & godly life, but i dare to say that i'm striving to achieve it. though i'm not exactly a "ppl-orientated" person, but He granted me the ability to understand without exchanging much verbal speech. He used my not so wonderful life to make the life of others better. He made me who i am today. i know that i've not been exactly a wonderful brother, i know that i've "betrayed the trust" of many seriously, after someone have told me their problems, 75% of the time i would be at a lost of what to do & how to help them. i know that sometimes i try to help, in the process of helping u, i destroyed something between us, either the friendship between us, the trust u had for me or something else, somehow, after u told me ur problem, its like a glass wall would be established between us. that's something i wanna change. i dun wish for our friendship to be at stake whenever someone tells me his/her problem.

Anw, i'm now still at the training stage, i'm praying everyday now, praying that i will continue to grow & grow stronger, brighter & brighter each day. till the day that i become nothing more than a "puppet" for the Lord to use

2009-02-16T16:48:00.001-08:00

i think i understand u a little bit better now, but i still dun really understand the situation though. i got like super worried when u sms-ed me saying u wanna talk, i mean u have sms-ed me in the past, but somehow, this time it was different. but then again, i kind of felt like that was the one time that i dun see any mask on you, i dunno, maybe i haven't really seek out the real u, i seriously have no idea. i just felt that u were true when u shared, like u have removed the mask.
at first when u told me, my first reaction was WOAH! cause i kind of felt... lied to? but then again, it seems like it ended as soon as it started, so i can't really blame u, also, what has happened has happened, nothing i do can change it. I thank God that u shared. seriously hope that u will grow more christ like day by day. i think i can see ur faith, its like the flame on a candle that is left out in the open, it wants to continue burning, but yet find it so hard to do so. anws, know that man will fail u but God will not.
just hope that you'll run to God in times of trials & prosperity :D

i'll be changing the link of this blog some time soon, cause i have not been emo for a very long time now, so i figured that i would change to URL & skin to something that fits, so from this point on this blog shall be a place where i reveal my heartfelt thoughts and not some emo stuffs or anything similar. also, as stated above, things here are my HEARTFELT THOUGHTS, so if u dun agree with anything, just let me know, cause afterall, it is just my opinion. also, should i blog about anyone else here, the person's identity shall remain a secret, unless u are the person, if not, i dun think any third party would know. ok, i'm off to blogskins.com to find a new blogskin! hahas

2008-11-29T15:08:00.000-08:00

sheryl had an "argument" with zuer i think. its on sheryl's tagboard.
i dun get it, zuer already said that it was between her sis and sheryl. but ppl had to intervene. i don't get it, didn't they read? also, they only knew part of the situation and the say like they know the whole story =.= its contradicting, really. i seriously wonder how many ppl will take the effort to go find out the entire story. its like a puzzle like that. you can't know what the entire picture is all about until you complete the puzzle, right? now its like some ppl get a few pieces, they guessed what the whole picture is and comment on it. i find it.... idiotic =.= then again, i'm not saying that they are wrong, but just felt that their action taken is wrong. :D

smile more ppl! :D

2008-11-18T04:41:00.000-08:00

[c=39][[ ίĈŷYx. ]][/c=40] [c=40]MEOW![/c=39] says:
infatuation neh..
[c=39][[ ίĈŷYx. ]][/c=40] [c=40]MEOW![/c=39] says:
u would wan to have that person
[c=39][[ ίĈŷYx. ]][/c=40] [c=40]MEOW![/c=39] says:
wan to OWN that person
[c=39][[ ίĈŷYx. ]][/c=40] [c=40]MEOW![/c=39] says:
like.. u LIKE sth.. den u wan to have it ma..
[c=39][[ ίĈŷYx. ]][/c=40] [c=40]MEOW![/c=39] says:
ya...
[c=39][[ ίĈŷYx. ]][/c=40] [c=40]MEOW![/c=39] says:
den love neh..
[c=39][[ ίĈŷYx. ]][/c=40] [c=40]MEOW![/c=39] says:
it will be to make tt person HAPPY and not to OWN that person..

2008-11-18T03:03:00.000-08:00

i miss jie!!!!!!!!! XD got no way to contact her now, wonder how she is doing...

2008-09-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

hi ppl! my desktop and laptop are both fixed! so i'll prob be blogging more often now? maybe ba, i can do nothing else besides blogging and checking email. i can't log in to viwawa, can't sign in msn also. think my com crazy lerh, if not, it must have hated me. i think i'm in love leh, dunno la, dun wan to go back to the past, dun wish to create prob for myself also. i'm trying to "ignore" the feeling and also asking God to take it away, but it's so difficult, see her being close to other guys make me jealous? also dunno how i feel, but just feel not very happy to see her close with other guys ba.

2008-08-19T01:16:00.000-07:00

hais... i'm definitely not very happy now. i think its human nature or something, but why does everyone love to lie so much?

if its something i experience occasionally, i can prob. still put up with it, but no, ppl ard me, it isn't just one or two, its like everytime i place my trust in someone, my trust for them gets broken. i've been away from cyber space for quite sometime already, an di guess i should continue to stay away from cyber space, life without access to the internet was fine, but stubborn me couldn't resist the temptations of the internet and had to use it. i wasn't feeling bad, wasn't feeling down even though its exams and i know i have not do well for the papers that i have already taken. i think i'm no longer imprisoned by my grades, not affected by them at all right now.came online and read ppl's blogs, found out that my trust in ppl have once again been broken. i dunno, i think i'm over sensitive or something, when ppl encounter problems, and i try to cheer them up, told them that they could talk to me if they needed someone to talk to, told them that i would listen. they replied saying thst they would tell me their probs the next time they encounter one, but history never fails to repeat itself... the met with some probs again and once again they didn't tell me, kept me in the dark, i tried to cheer them up after i've found out, but the story just goes on... why is it so hard to be truthful? i've learnt my lesson, that is not to give any promises, not to give my assurance to someone since i can't see into the future. but i have not learned how to not be so gullible and not trust ppl easily. ppl are emo, prob some "great depression" thing is going on, even cleo is getting emo. haix... squid said she would tell me her probs, but i guess she prob said that to not make me worry? i have no idea, i dunno how long more i can con't to trust those that have lied to me, dunno how many times i can forgive and forget. i'm losing my faith in ppl and my trust is currently given to some "VIPs" only, dun trust ppl much, dunno wat to do... i think i'll keep away from cyber space for as long as i can... come cyber space, see things that i'm not suppose to, uncover some secrets and found my eyes being filled with tears. most of the time that i'm sad, i can't express myself, cause i can't, i'm not allowed to. sometimes i find it hard to communicate with ppl, its like when u see them face to face, they smile, they act as though nothing is wrong, but when i read their blogs, i see their agony, i see blood oozing out from their hearts... i can't stop the bleeding, cause they wun let me, they want to be healed, but they are not seeking treatmet. i guess i shall con't to watch them bleed, wait till they find the pain unbearable, prob they'll start to seek treatment when the time comes.

since u chose to close ur doors, dun blame me for not entering

2008-08-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

i am sad!!!!!!!

hais.... dunno if anyone still visit this blog, hahas
anw, i received a sms this morning and it really caused me to think alot, then i ended up being sad for the entire day lor, hais.... its the same scenario, but my decision was different... i decided not to con't but to put an end to it. :(

ard evening, i kind of cheered up a bit ba, but i went to my jie's blog, saw some stuffs that i'm prob not suppose to? i'm not sure.... i think my relationship with jie has already become a one-way relationship, dun think she treats me as her di anymore... XD dunno if i should continue to try to get her to communicate with me.... dun even know wat she thinks of me, prob just another person in her life? i'm not sure.... i dun wanna hurt her, but i also want answers. in search for the answers, somehow i will cause her hurt. looking forward to the time that she will treat me as a friend, a friend that she will prob talk to. wanna know her more, but..... i dunno how....

how i wish i can just be less stubborn and let go of this one-way relationship
cause its seriously not working out XD

2008-06-18T19:23:00.000-07:00

Zzzz...... i'm back to this blog!!!!!! =.= actually got somthing to blog abt de, but i just realise also what i wanted to blog =.= so i guess this post shall end here, if i can rmbr wat to blog abt then i'll come back & blog again, hahas ^^ bye~

2008-06-06T02:16:00.000-07:00

i feel like i'm a terrible brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haix.... caused i was s'pose to help jie to transfer files from her phone to her laptop... but i keep delaying, then in the end didn't managed to help her... i ask fiona how she will feel if she was treated like that... she say she will feel cheated, and prob rmbr it for the rest of her life? hmm.... i asked cleo too, she say that maybe the person has their own difficulties, so cannot help. hais.... jie... how do u feel? i think i broke the promise too many times lerh.... dX

2008-05-17T04:48:00.000-07:00

ok, i'm back to this blog again, so u can expect to see my troubles being poured out now.

i'm having throat problems now. remembered quite sometime ago, when i went to the doctor because of my throat, the doctor said i was down with tonsilitis(swelling in the throat, no found cure) but i didn't really consider the seriousness of it or really cared abt my condition. he gave me some medication and it healed a few days later. after many many months, i think tonsilitis is coming back to haunt me, i'm not sure though. cause this time, the doctor didn't say its tonsilitis, but i think it is tonsilitis cause it felt like it, felt the same as the previous times.... went to visit the doctor yesterday, he gave me some medication, and after consumption, my throat felt better. however, when i consumed the medication today, my throat didn't feel any better, it remained as it is, the pain didn't subside.... dun really know how to describe how i'm feeling now.... it feels like having an object stuck in ur throat, it feels like having ur throat dry no matter how much water u consume, in order to reduce the pain, u need to constantly hydrate urself, its like drinking water non stop for 24 hrs. of course, its impossible to drink continuously for 24/7 so an alternative is to consume sweets, cause when one is consuming sweet, saliva will be produced and thus the constant hydration. there's a disadvantage though, eating too much sweets is bad, makes ur mouth feels sticky too.... everything i swallow anything-air, water, food, medicine-my throat will hurt a bit. of course, it isn't some type of excrutiating pain that's life sucking or anything, just that having ur throat under such conditions is really irritating. its like in order to prevent ur throat from drying out, need it sweet, drink loads of water and talk super little. very unbearable indeed. i'm currently on silent mode now, cause i can't talk, when i talk, it brings the pain back. when i talk, i cough alot more. when i talk, my throat dries out faster....

currently the medicine isn't working, i'll pray hard, pray for me too ok? really wanna be able to talk again.... if things gets worse, i'll need go hospital to see the doctor there, if it doesn't help, i'll need an operation.... God, heal me!

2008-05-01T23:17:00.000-07:00

today geog wasn't very well done. got 1hr and 30 min for the entire paper, but spent 75 mins on the first question, left with 15 mins for 2nd Q, and there's still LORMs question to do! how to finish? obviously no miracle happened or anything similar, i gave up the entire question and did only the LORMs part. including my SS, i've already lost 29 marks for humanities already! last paper to work for is A maths, not much hope for it liao

2008-04-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

think i'm gonna fail lots of my papers, only papers that i'm confident of passing is chem and E maths? that will be 2/7 subjects

2008-04-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

testhange:D

2008-04-22T02:01:00.000-07:00

ahhh!!!!!! kay, this is my new blog, created for me to destress and seriously pour out all that i've kept in my heart.

school was very bad for me today. have been sad since like yesterday? yupps, cause i seriously feel very helpless seeing my friends being engulfed in problems and not being able to do anything about it. my jie has been facing quite a few probs recently, and all i'm able to do is sit on the sidelines and watch her suffer. know how helpless i felt? its like more than once i tried cheering her up or simply just make her day slightly better, but nothing seems to work. i tried buying milk for her when she couldn't sleep properly. it didn't work out cause the milk prob gone bad by the time i'm able to pass it to her. so i disposed the milk in the end. she wouldn't tell me her probs, so i figured the most i could do is to at least accompany her through it? yupps, went school early today, hoping to wait for her at the bus stop so that i could accompany her up the slope, expectedly, it failed, she didn't tell me when she boarded the bus even when i told her to do so. when i reached the bus stop, she was already in school :( i seriously feel very hopeless now. very sad, and its not just by seeing her and me not being able to help her that made be feel down, but there's many more factors contributing to it. everytime i see my friends sad, i feel sad too, i have no idea why, but i can't help it, seeing them go through their ups and downs in life makes me suffer so much. u ppl prob wouldn't know this huh? the way i feel everytime i walk on the streets..... its torturing, seeing my friends suffer right in front of me, seeing things get worse everytime i try to help, not being able to do anything..... sometimes i really wonder, really wished that i was blind and deaf, blind so that i wouldn't see ppl suffer, deaf so that i would not be able to hear their cries, i guess that would be better? that way, i may be able to lead life as a happier person..... that way, i wouldn't make things worst for ppl that i tried to help..... maybe....

thanks abel, for noticing that i was down....