Tuesday, August 19, 2008
-
:
hais... i'm definitely not very happy now. i think its human nature or something, but why does everyone love to lie so much?
if its something i experience occasionally, i can prob. still put up with it, but no, ppl ard me, it isn't just one or two, its like everytime i place my trust in someone, my trust for them gets broken. i've been away from cyber space for quite sometime already, an di guess i should continue to stay away from cyber space, life without access to the internet was fine, but stubborn me couldn't resist the temptations of the internet and had to use it. i wasn't feeling bad, wasn't feeling down even though its exams and i know i have not do well for the papers that i have already taken. i think i'm no longer imprisoned by my grades, not affected by them at all right now.came online and read ppl's blogs, found out that my trust in ppl have once again been broken. i dunno, i think i'm over sensitive or something, when ppl encounter problems, and i try to cheer them up, told them that they could talk to me if they needed someone to talk to, told them that i would listen. they replied saying thst they would tell me their probs the next time they encounter one, but history never fails to repeat itself... the met with some probs again and once again they didn't tell me, kept me in the dark, i tried to cheer them up after i've found out, but the story just goes on... why is it so hard to be truthful? i've learnt my lesson, that is not to give any promises, not to give my assurance to someone since i can't see into the future. but i have not learned how to not be so gullible and not trust ppl easily. ppl are emo, prob some "great depression" thing is going on, even cleo is getting emo. haix... squid said she would tell me her probs, but i guess she prob said that to not make me worry? i have no idea, i dunno how long more i can con't to trust those that have lied to me, dunno how many times i can forgive and forget. i'm losing my faith in ppl and my trust is currently given to some "VIPs" only, dun trust ppl much, dunno wat to do... i think i'll keep away from cyber space for as long as i can... come cyber space, see things that i'm not suppose to, uncover some secrets and found my eyes being filled with tears. most of the time that i'm sad, i can't express myself, cause i can't, i'm not allowed to. sometimes i find it hard to communicate with ppl, its like when u see them face to face, they smile, they act as though nothing is wrong, but when i read their blogs, i see their agony, i see blood oozing out from their hearts... i can't stop the bleeding, cause they wun let me, they want to be healed, but they are not seeking treatmet. i guess i shall con't to watch them bleed, wait till they find the pain unbearable, prob they'll start to seek treatment when the time comes.
since u chose to close ur doors, dun blame me for not entering
alfred thanked jesus at1:16 AM
Sunday, August 3, 2008
-
:
i am sad!!!!!!!
hais.... dunno if anyone still visit this blog, hahas
anw, i received a sms this morning and it really caused me to think alot, then i ended up being sad for the entire day lor, hais.... its the same scenario, but my decision was different... i decided not to con't but to put an end to it. :(
ard evening, i kind of cheered up a bit ba, but i went to my jie's blog, saw some stuffs that i'm prob not suppose to? i'm not sure.... i think my relationship with jie has already become a one-way relationship, dun think she treats me as her di anymore... XD dunno if i should continue to try to get her to communicate with me.... dun even know wat she thinks of me, prob just another person in her life? i'm not sure.... i dun wanna hurt her, but i also want answers. in search for the answers, somehow i will cause her hurt. looking forward to the time that she will treat me as a friend, a friend that she will prob talk to. wanna know her more, but..... i dunno how....
how i wish i can just be less stubborn and let go of this one-way relationship
cause its seriously not working out XD
alfred thanked jesus at5:59 AM
